Freedom of Talent

The Talent Shows have been especially rich the past few cruises. I don’t know if it’s because the cruises are slightly more expensive so they cater to a higher class of customer, but whatever the reason, we have been the beneficiary. Last cruise a seventy year-old Ruth Gordon lookalike danced to “Roxie” from “Chicago.” She didn't do more than wave her arms, cross the stage a few times, and wink suggestively at the audience, but then she really didn't need to. She wore her hair in a bob and had a possibly authentic flapper girl costume. She was a big hit.

We knew we were in for something special this week because we had run into the Show Band after they had had rehearsal. They were all laughing and wiping away tears and implored us to come. We were hooked. The show began inauspiciously enough with a man in a U.S. Flag tie and what possibly could have been a toupee singing “New York, New York.” A Canadian Woman (and the eventual winner) who was celebrating her birthday delivered a soulful rendition of “Something to Talk About” and then a young man played “The Greatest Love of All” on the piano (you’ll be relieved to know they’ve moved the piano further out on stage so know the piano playing contestants are visible to the audience. I don’t know if this improves their chances or not as none has yet to win).

And then the bombshell. A middle-aged man from New York who kind of looked like he might teach seventh grade science (based solely on the short sleeve dress shirt and thick glasses; I apologize for stereotyping) sat at the piano bench. He fumbled with some sheet music and then announced that he had written an original tune “criticizing President Bush and his war in Iraq” to the showtune “Razzle Dazzle” (from “Chicago”). This information was quickly met with scattered applause and more resounding boos. I am sorry to report that as a piece of satire it wasn’t very strong, and as a piece of piano playing it was even worse. The lyrics were along the lines of “George Bush isn’t very sma-art/ Razzle Dazzle them” and then he would fumble through the hook for an excruciating five seconds. Perhaps spurred on by the sight of an (extremely) easy target, those who did not agree with his viewpoints began booing and catcalling him. They began pretty generically, along the lines of “Boo! Get off the stage!” and then evolved into the angrier (and more retroactive) “You commie pinko!” One person shouted, “Immigrate” but since it’s a homonym, I couldn’t tell if they meant to immigrate to a different country or to emigrate from the United States. He finally ended and walked off stage and we all nervously wondered what would bring the night back on its tracks.

But in a masterful stroke of running order composition, an elderly woman was the next to take the stage. She sang “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” in a high soprano and had the peaceful look of someone who had spent the last forty years leading her church choir. After the last performance I could sense how satisfying and thrilling it had been for people to boo a performer and I was tempted to shout out, “Take it back to Russia, you Nazi bitch!” Fortunately, better sense prevailed.

The audience’s healing was completed with the next performer. He was an eighty-one year old man who danced to “Staying Alive.” I hate to throw around words like “exuberant” and "rapturous” but that’s exactly what his performance was. He just bobbed and shuffled around stage for five minutes and it was delightful. The rest of the performers were the usual: an old woman singing “You’ll Never Walk Alone” and two little girls dancing to “Hollaback Girl (Radio Version).”

I would have thought it would be impossible for someone to still be angry after the elderly dance recital. Yet apparently at the show’s end, when all the performers gathered on stage, an old man in the audience held up his index and middle fingers (ironically the peace sign) and shouted at the Razzle Dazzle man, “This is how many wars I fought in! And I didn’t fight in them so that you could get on stage and denigrate our President!” This is all a paraphrase as we had zoomed out as soon as the winner had been announced, but it was all the other performers were talking about the next day.